It is often said that chivalry is dead.
The idea of a gallant knight stepping up to the plate for his fair maiden simply doesn't exist the way it (supposedly) used to. I wonder, if at some point, men stopped teaching their young sons about opening doors and pulling out chairs. Well, maybe it was their moms that stopped telling them. I'm not entirely sure it was men that perpetuated these habits to begin with. I mean... really? Be honest - as a woman, how many times has a man walked on the outside of the sidewalk, keeping you away from the traffic of the street? If you recognize this behavior as normal, you're probably one of few.
On first dates, we like and expect to be greeted at the door. We may even anticipate not having to pay. Though, if you're like me, you're always prepared to pay at least half of the check. There is a long list of archaic behaviors and standards ladies hope for men to exhibit in courtship. We want to be offered a jacket when it's cold. We like to be cared for when we're sick.
But maybe most importantly, we need to be treated as equals.
At this point, I bring up the point of a very fine line between a man being chivalrous and being downright overbearing. Yes, I'm sorry, I'm a woman. I am picky, and I realize that I'm blurring the issue. Get over it. I want what I want.
So when exactly does that sweet behavior becoming annoying, assuming a woman can't properly perform daily actions or showcase independent qualities? Though not every woman is as intelligent as her counterpart (I'll give you that, guys), many are evenly matched, while some have the upper hand. And while it shouldn't be an issue of a man being smarter than a woman, most of us like to show and even prove that we can function without men (in most situations, ha)... though we may not always want to.
Yesterday at work, I overheard a young man - mid 20s - ordering with his server. After ordering for himself, he proceeded to place an order for the young woman that was accompanying him. Instantly, I was filled with a feeling of horror and disgust. Was she incapable of speaking (she was not; I heard her)? Could she not read the menu well enough to identify her choices (possibly)? Or was it simply that she could not think for herself and needed her apparently honorable guy to do the work? Trust me, I know him. He's far from honorable. A showoff is more like it.
Anyway, when I realized he had ordered for her, I just kept thinking about one of my favorite movies, Because I Said So. In this movie, Mandy Moore's character begins dating two different guys, one being very much a Type A personality. On their first date, he orders everything before they even arrive at the restaurant, freeing Moore of the responsibility to think for herself. Though she is seemingly relieved at first, as we get to know her character, we learn this isn't her at all. In a fight near the end of the movie, Moore yells at him, "Who wants a girl that doesn't think?"
I can promise you, most women with functioning brains, want to think for themselves. They want to know their words are considered. However, at the same time, they want the charm and respectfulness that come with the idea of Prince Charming. It's difficult to except, guys. I know. It kind of means you run the risk of always being on the wrong track.
But, here's some good news. I'm certain that spontaneously presenting us with flowers or occasionally making dinner reservations as a surprise won't be turned down or disliked. We just want a little bit of the White Knight with some David Silver mixed in. You can save us sometimes... just not every time.
"And it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now."
