Thanks for nothing. Kiss my ass.

Faith. Trust. Belief. It all sounds a little religious, doesn't it?

You're supposed to have some sort of faith and belief in a higher power. There's the idea that trust in such person, being, whatever, will be there to help you. I think I've made it pretty clear that I'm not a religious person, so I'm not about to talk about God or any of that stuff. Instead, I'll give you a little story about friendship.

We all have different types of friends in our lives. There are the people we talk to every single day, phone calls are usually timed, to the minute. There are the friends we check in with occasionally over email or text but may be frequently in our thoughts. Sometimes, if you've been in one place long enough, you have friends with whom you've grown up; you share little but the idea that longevity can sustain an otherwise somewhat empty friendship. Then there are the one-sided relationships, the shopping friendships, the movie-going friendships. Then there are the really confusing ones that combine various elements of the aforementioned friendships. It's my guess that these are the most volatile, for they have nothing substantial to stand on, no grounds by which to determine appropriate actions and reactions.

In general, I'm pretty good at holding a grudge. I know how to forgive, but I can't always forget. It's a talent; I promise. I think, maybe, I've had enough experience with lack of memory creating just one more bad situation to add to the books.

We're supposed to believe that people can change, right? But, let's be honest, most of them don't (most, not all). Liars often know their way around problems. Cheaters usually repeat their indiscretions. Users frequently relapse.

What happens when you really feel that someone deserves a chance to prove he or she has changed, grown up, learned a lesson? Well, you might get burned. I tend to trust people easily, and while I'm a cynic, I want to have faith in the belief that someone that's been a part of my life can and does respect me enough to act like a proper person in various situations and opportunities.

Instead of getting what I hoped, I find myself bogged down in a mess of a emotions stemming from the fact that I simply wanted to do something nice for someone and got taken for an idiot. When in most cases my standards are extremely high, here, I just wanted something better, an improvement, the proof that change is possible. Yet, I find myself minus a friend, one who filled that spot of a shopping friend, a dinner friend, a phone call friend, and a long-time friend.

But really, what was this person to me at all? Birthday cards or gifts were rarely reciprocated; money was occasionally not payed back; lunch dates were sometimes forgotten. And so I'll call it for what it was. I was used as a stepping stone, a means to an end, an open door with a way in.

I don't wish this former friend any ill will, but the chances are over, if another is ever requested. Here I'm not forgiving, and I'm certainly not forgetting. Faith is gone. Trust was betrayed. And belief was simply not enough.


"I've one thing to say and that's 'Thanks for nothing, kiss my ass.'"

In the circle, the circle of life.

In one weekend, I have mourned the loss of a life and celebrated the birth of a new one.

It's a strange thing to do. Somehow, you feel that the happiness is overshadowed by the sadness, and yet, at the same time, the despair of a life taken seems sort of forgotten in the joy.

At the heart of it all is the idea of unconditional love, how it suddenly exists the moment a new life is welcomed. And also how that love can be sadly overlooked, unknown, or missed. Our hearts are strange, complex things. We, as people, can be capable of so much compassion, empathy, admiration, adoration... the list goes on. But the heart is extremely fragile, breakable the second it is touched by hurt.

I didn't have to know him well to be saddened by the words spoken last night. It had even been years since I saw his sister, my connection to him. It hurts to watch anyone go through such an unfortunate experience. He was a friend, a brother, a son. And over and over again, there seemed to be a repeated wish for the one they lost: that he knew how much he was loved, respected, and supported. The love was nothing short of strong, present, and unconditional - regardless of the last time one spoke to him or saw him. As everyone spoke of him, it seemed that he was so capable of everything he put his mind to, and he was certainly not short on the ability to love those around him. It was with that love that he assumed his burden was for no one else to shoulder.

But in the midst of the pain, there is hope and belief that a new life will undoubtedly recognize the love those around him possess. At just a few days old, he probably has more stuff than a five year-old got for Christmas. I watched the family welcome him with no judgement, no hesitation that this is a perfect person. He will never have to want for affection or guidance, support or respect. Simply by him being, a heart realizes its full capability to love at its strongest.

Though somehow it feels strange to focus on a death and a birth at the same time, it is with the same strength of sorrow that all those involved feel the complete devotion to a new being.

I know it's silly, but there isn't another song out there that expresses the sentiment...

"To find our way on a path unwinding."