Faith. Trust. Belief.
It all sounds a little religious, doesn't it?
You're supposed to have some sort of faith and belief in a higher power. There's the idea that trust in such person, being, whatever, will be there to help you.
I think I've made it pretty clear that I'm not a religious person, so I'm not about to talk about God or any of that stuff. Instead, I'll give you a little story about friendship.
We all have different types of friends in our lives. There are the people we talk to every single day, phone calls are usually timed, to the minute. There are the friends we check in with occasionally over email or text but may be frequently in our thoughts. Sometimes, if you've been in one place long enough, you have friends with whom you've grown up; you share little but the idea that longevity can sustain an otherwise somewhat empty friendship. Then there are the one-sided relationships, the shopping friendships, the movie-going friendships.
Then there are the really confusing ones that combine various elements of the aforementioned friendships. It's my guess that these are the most volatile, for they have nothing substantial to stand on, no grounds by which to determine appropriate actions and reactions.
In general, I'm pretty good at holding a grudge. I know how to forgive, but I can't always forget. It's a talent; I promise. I think, maybe, I've had enough experience with lack of memory creating just one more bad situation to add to the books.
We're supposed to believe that people can change, right?
But, let's be honest, most of them don't (most, not all).
Liars often know their way around problems. Cheaters usually repeat their indiscretions. Users frequently relapse.
What happens when you really feel that someone deserves a chance to prove he or she has changed, grown up, learned a lesson? Well, you might get burned. I tend to trust people easily, and while I'm a cynic, I want to have faith in the belief that someone that's been a part of my life can and does respect me enough to act like a proper person in various situations and opportunities.
Instead of getting what I hoped, I find myself bogged down in a mess of a emotions stemming from the fact that I simply wanted to do something nice for someone and got taken for an idiot. When in most cases my standards are extremely high, here, I just wanted something better, an improvement, the proof that change is possible. Yet, I find myself minus a friend, one who filled that spot of a shopping friend, a dinner friend, a phone call friend, and a long-time friend.
But really, what was this person to me at all? Birthday cards or gifts were rarely reciprocated; money was occasionally not payed back; lunch dates were sometimes forgotten. And so I'll call it for what it was. I was used as a stepping stone, a means to an end, an open door with a way in.
I don't wish this former friend any ill will, but the chances are over, if another is ever requested. Here I'm not forgiving, and I'm certainly not forgetting. Faith is gone. Trust was betrayed. And belief was simply not enough.
"I've one thing to say and that's 'Thanks for nothing, kiss my ass.'"
