Forgive me, but I've been having a Carrie Bradshaw/Bridget Jones couple of days. This means rhetorical questions and blasting smug marrieds in favor of the proud singletons.
I wonder if it is ever completely acceptable to be that lone person, the single one that has no steady mate, live-in love, or legal spouse. Even those two very characteristically single women Carrie and Bridget were on an endless quest for some unconditional love that would come from a person in place of a pair of fancy shoes or a leather-bound journal. Endless TV shows, movies, and novels showcase the same journey. So, what happens to those of us in the real world that constantly find ourselves the one missing a half at group dinners or get-togethers? Are we expected to find friends to accompany us? Or do we simply give in to the fact that we're the extra wheel, the lone ranger?
Think about the one and only Mary Richards, as portrayed by Mary Tyler Moore. When (the fictional) Mary began her journey as we knew it on TV, she was dealing with a broken engagement and trying her best to move on, into her own life, sans significant other. As luck would have it, Mary found herself befriended by another singleton, Rhoda Morgenstern. Both women, successful and happy (eh, Rhoda, not always), managed to somehow find their careers ultimately more important than the men they dated... though Rhoda eventually married on her own show, the character did get divorced. Both women were not without their trips and falls through romance, but over the course of both show runs, they managed to gain more in life that, though it could not take the place of a partner in crime, became enough to satisfy them personally.
Why don't we see more of them? Is it entirely impossible for most people to accept that life minus Mr. Big or Mark Darcy can be worthwhile? With every column and book published, Carrie became increasingly more envious of the lives of smug marrieds. I guess all the Manolos in her closet would never be enough of a measure of success.
And here's another take on the issue... Carrie desperately wanted to be married (NOTE - I have not seen the second movie, so keep that in mind). Is a relationship not validated if both people are without rings? Think about the forms you fill out in a medical office. Check one: Married, Single. Well, if you aren't married, but you don't consider yourself single, there is a dilemma. Does anyone check single and then add a little blurb that says, "We've been living together for five years, and he hasn't proposed, but we are very much together. I sure as hell hope he doesn't say he's single"? I highly doubt it. So then if you're not single and you're not married... where do you fall? Ah, nowhere land. Join us singletons.
Simply put, there shouldn't be a stigma, but there is. If you're a strong, single woman, you're probably considered a bitch. If you're with someone that hasn't given you a diamond, you're probably thought a fool. Next time you worry about your status, or your event guest, or your loneliness, channel Mary Richards and not Bridget Jones. Life isn't about the person next to you on the couch, even though having someone there is nice. And, do yourself a favor, don't curse the one who's got the title. There's a very good chance that Carrie was once a Rhoda.
"The rock I'm rockin' I bought it. 'Cause I depend on me."
No comments:
Post a Comment