How often are you given the opportunity to hug someone? Once a day? Every other week? Do you take the chance, or is it an awkward encounter you'd rather not experience?
Over the last few years, I've had a lot of new people in my life. I've also traveled back and forth from an old home to a new one, therefore reconnecting and visiting with so many people I've known in one capacity or another. In doing so, I've become very aware of the embrace of a hug - friendly, passionate, or otherwise.
Let's be honest - a hug may not hold a lot of value for some and pales in comparison to the kiss for many. But it is a step up from a handshake and miles away from a wave. I think my first experience with "hug shock," as I'll call it, came while living in Miami during my first year of college. I became friends with a group of guys native to the locale and its culture. The idea of hugging these guys I didn't know simply upon meeting was slightly jarring. Most of them topped it off with a peck on the cheek to boot. Uh, hello? Personal space? It took a while for the hug shock to wear off. I remember before introducing these same friends to a New Jersey friend, I felt compelled to warn her about the greeting. After receiving multiple hugs and kisses, she was taken by surprise.
Yet, after a while, there was something comfortable and sweet in that meeting or parting. More importantly, it was genuine and kind. Quickly, I built up a comfort level in the ways of the hug.
A couple years ago, I had a friend visit me in LA. Though we weren't anywhere near best friends, we had - at that point - known each other for a long time. When she hugged me to say goodbye, I got the feeling that she just didn't care. Have you ever hugged a person that attempts to keep six inches of space between you? It's like the 8th grade dance version of a hug. Germaphobe or not, it's entirely weird. There need not be love, romantic or platonic... simply the notion that you care about a person.
During my time in LA, I was obviously far away from my own family and welcomed into that of my sister-in-law (first time I'm saying that - AH!). It was so nice to have hugs from parents and grandparents that already offered me a place in their home when I was missing my own. I call hugs like theirs real hugs. No hug shock, no tape measure perfecting a distance, no boney arms strangely resting on your back. A real, honest to god hug is often much more important than you realize. For me, it offers support, and it feels like home.
So, after a weekend of wedding celebration, I'm left sitting here, once again analyzing my theory of hug shock. I hugged a lot of people and - surprisingly - shook fewer hands. Maybe it was something about the occasion or possibly it was that there was something so real and kind about this group of (mostly) California people. From the family I've known all my life to the couple's friends that I had just met, these hugs were real and honest... and felt like home. No hug shock to be found.
Maybe you're not a hugger. Don't bother. If you'd rather keep someone at arm's length, offer a handshake instead. A hug shouldn't be fleeting or obligated. You should care. And, if you don't, go nurse your hug shock somewhere else.
"Above all, I want these arms about you."
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